Worth the process...Year in review

It's about time I write another post, 'eh? I have been in such a reflective mood lately and wanting to write but just haven't quite been able to articulate it enough to put into words. I had been thinking about doing a 'year in review' and after seeing that Morgan did one I'm inspired:) Here ya' go....

The year didn't exactly start off on the right foot for me spiritually. I was in a rebellion, was careless with all of my relationships, and would try to convince you till I was blue in the face that "my relationship with God is just fine!" ( I was so full of it!) Being raised in a Christian home, being home schooled, and having my only friends be from the church gave me a REALLY good idea on how I was supposed to act, what I was supposed to say, etc...I could rattle off anything you wanted me to say about the Lord and His principles without thinking. I was numb to it and didn't have heart behind what I was saying. In every area of my life I was saying one thing and doing another. My relationship with my family (especially with my sister) suffered, and I had pretty much quit pursuing the Father. I became really good at keeping up my 'good girl' exterior but my heart was pretty much rotting. As my mom puts it, I was deceitfully wicked:). This season of stupidity and self-gratification lasted about 3 months (January-March). God used a few people in my life as a wake up call and I fell on my face immediately. I think the strain of wearing a facade wore me down and I eventually broke down. I've gotta admit I felt pretty ugly at the time. For the next couple months I started making more advances and gaining ground, but at a very slow pace. In the midst of this I got a part time job in town working for the NDSU Extension Service as an administrative assistant. I had been working for the dairy and getting bored so I figured adding another 20 hrs of work would help:).

The beginning of April brought with it the best part of the spring, RODEO SEASON!!! The North Dakota Junior High Wrangler Division asked if I would be their official photographer so I jumped at the opportunity. At this time I also started getting a lot closer with my family and spent every spare moment I could with them. Being with them really challenged my relationship with the Lord and I guess you could say this is when I turned my heart back around. As soon as I did the blessings started pouring! They mostly came in the form of my business. Along with shooting for the Wrangler rodeos I took pictures for the High School circuit, Western Edge Bullriders, and started taking senior and family pictures. I had some form of photo shoot almost every weekend I also took on more jobs at the dairy and was working full time there, while still juggling the office job. Life was CRAZY but I absolutely loved it. At the end of April my entire family took a two week trip to Washington. As it came closer to leaving time it was apparent that things at the farm weren't going to run smoothly without an extra hand and either Dad and I would have to stay. I wasn't going to let Mom take the kids by herself so I stayed and helped run things. Skyler also stayed back to keep me company (and because he didn't want to take a break from his bullriding season). Those two weeks were insanely stressful and I'm pretty sure it was during that time that I became quite positive I never wanted to OWN a dairy myself. LOL. My parents homecoming was such a sweet day (April 30th to be exact:). Oh, and I almost forgot that I had been 'ranch sitting' for a guy during the last couple months as well. A friend bought a ranch 12 miles from us and had cattle there but lived too far away to actually check on them so I went out there every other day to water and check fences, cows, etc... It was so much fun and that's probably when I decided that I like beef cows a lot more and settled on wanting to be a rancher. Haha

May was pretty much I blur, Kortney graduated and I remember her party being a huge deal and spending a LOT of time with that. I also was the photographer for a memorial bull riding. This one meant a lot to me because it was for a dear friend and because I was an arena sponsor. (For those of you who don't know what that is, my business was the 2nd corporate sponsor for this rodeo and they put a banner with my name on it. MAJOR publicity!!!).

June and July were crazy as well, especially at the office because we were preparing for our county fair coming up in August. The last week of July Mom, Sky, and I took a road trip down to Lane, Oklahoma (pert'ner the Texas border). Skyler was attending the Lane Frost Memorial Bullriding school instructed by World Champion bullrider, Mike Lee. Woah!!!

It was such a huge experience for all of us. 10 minutes before they started the coordinator asked if I would be the photographer because the official wasn't going to make it. I spent the next 3 days taking over 1,000 pictures in the 100+ temperatures and swelling in the humidity. I absolutely loved it and left there saying, "I wanna live here someday".

We came back and stayed extremely busy all through the county fair in mid-August. It was about his time that Kortney decided to attend MC's and move to Washington so for the last month she was here we immersed ourselves in activities and building our relationship. By the time she left I couldn't even be sad because I was so excited for the adventure she was about to be embark on. Being the oldest I have come to realize that I subconsciously carry a burden for each of my siblings. I knew Kortie wasn't a great place before she left and watching her soften her heart was so overwhelming! Ever since then I have had a resounding joy.

We have gone through a lot since she has left but it has been incredible. We have never been closer, I have never been more proud, and I have never loved her as much as I do now. She has become such a display of beauty and radiance of God's glory and I can't help but want to be like her someday! I think our relationship really launched a lot of things in me and I can say that I have never been so hungry or desired intimacy with my Father as I do now. It is beautiful!
Oh yeah, in November I took a trip out yonder to Washington to visit my sister for Thanksgiving and to spend time with my second favorite family ever.:) I have to admit, I was excited for the trip but had no idea what to expect. It far exceeded anything I could have imagined. Kort and I were able to break through and reach such a new level of closeness and open communication. I had such sweet fellowship with the Stevies and left extremely grateful for the connection with their family. Our families have been close for years but it was awesome to reach that on a personal level with them. I just love 'em!

As I look back and think of where I was at the beginning of the year, the process I went through to get where I am at now, I can't even begin to contain my excitement and anticipation for where the Lord is taking me from here. I have learned what pain is. I have learned humility and death to my flesh. I have learned what healing and forgiveness is. I have experienced His redeeming grace. I have learned how to prioritize. I have learned that my family is irreplaceable. I have learned to trust my dad and give him all of my heart. I have learned how to dance with my Father. I have felt what it is like to burn with desire. I have learned to let go of my dreams, in order that He may give me His. I have learned to love...but most of all I have learned to be loved by my Daddy...Can it get any better that that?

I know He has a huge calling on my life and won't allow me to settle on 'ordinary'. I am meant to be set apart, a standard barer to all those around me. I have the choice to look at my sin and be discouraged and regretful or to thank God for His grace and love. His grace is sufficient for me! The victory has been won and I am not to be condemned!!! In turn, I believe that He wants me to use my testimony as a direct example of His goodness. That is exactly what I intend to do.
So what are my 'goals' this year? To die to myself, put on beauty and grace, and let myself be a vessel to be used for His purposes alone....That His glory and love would shine so brightly, it would bring promise and hope to those around me. That should keep me busy for a while!