Give it Up Already...

“Come unto Me and I will give you rest.”

So I’ve been thinking a lot about surrender. Sweet surrender. The kind of surrender that takes place when we are tired of holding things together, carrying burdens, or being the backbone for those around us. I personally love to help people and love the feeling of being needed. I feel like a superhero when people come to me for advice. I feel like a true friend when someone calls me up because they need someone to listen. I feel like a real daughter when my parents ask me to pray with or for them. I feel like a mother when my little brother comes to me crying and hurt and just wants to be held. But at what point is it ok to need someone else? At what point is it alright to break down and cry? At what point is it ok to want to be held?

It’s right now…

Every time I struggle I tend to hold it up until I hit a breaking point. And every time my Father has to pull me into Him. Why do I wait? Why can’t I just let Him take it all ALL the time? I really think it is because of fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of not wanting to fail. However by not giving it to Him I’m not allowing Him to work and that would be the real tragedy. His yoke is easy and His burden is light and He is beckoning me to fall into Him. To find that sweet surrender. It drives me crazy that I can’t get that through my head. I become so afraid that once I give it up I won’t have someone to hold me and take care of me. It’s almost as if I find security in being burdened down. I shouldn’t fling it off but put it on to Him and myself with it, and the burden will be lightened by the sense of companionship. He wants to take it all AND hold me.

This has been my battle for the last few weeks and has kept me up for much of the night. If I wasn’t waking up several times I was up until almost 4:00am. I gave it up yesterday and wouldn’t you know it, I slept all night long. It was awesome. I have been a happy girl with a peaceful spirit all day. I don’t have a heavy load and an aching heart. That isn’t my portion and I’m not going to take it.

I am free.

I feel beautiful.

I feel lovely.

I feel like I can dance again.

Get ready to watch me twirl...